mixed emotions

I texted my dad last time and told him about my job hunting in town. I told him that the salary here in the province is usually lower than in Manila. My mom said that it's alright since I will be staying at home so I don't have to worry about paying for the toiletries and my other needs. BUT! As the eldest in the family, I also feel guilty since I should be helping already in the house expenditures.

Bakit kasi mababa sweldo ng teachers! Lahat naman ng professionals dadaan muna samin bago maging pro a. --- ampalaya mode

My dad works abroad as a seaman. He's been in that job even before he got married to my mom. Now he wants to retire already even though he's not yet 60! Daya! haha! He's just waiting for my brother to finish college so he could just have a business here. (which is supposed to be planned ahead pa, not when you're already retiring")

So, si eldest daughter is nag papanic. There's a lot of job opportunities abroad like in Saudi, Malaysia, Indonesia, Australia and Singapore. I already had 2 interviews from a Singaporean recruiter. During my first interview, I think I failed because I said something that should not be said during an interview. FAIL! Then on the second one, I heard from another applicant that they want someone who has an accent in english. WTF! FAIL again.

A friend who is now teaching in Singapore messaged me a few days ago that their school recruiter will go to the Philippines to get more teachers. At first I was like, "nako, baka fail nanaman ako, wag nalang kaya? dito nalang muna ako siguro, pero ambaba kasi sweldo...". My dad texted me the other day and reminded me about my back-up plan before. I told him that he could just send me to Singapore and job hunt there. It hit me then (again)! He wants me to have a good paying job. I know that it's already my turn to help our family. I know that he really wants to stay here in the Philippines for good. Ang boring kaya sa barko... Anyway, I really have to do this even though it's hard. This is life and we have to sacrifice! :( Another thing that makes me want to push thru this application is CRUSH! I will follow you wherever you will go! LOL!

I am hoping that I will get it this time... and this time it's for real... I should ready myself...



xoxo,
thecolorblind